The following is from last week's Insider's Club Email - this free weekly email from Love and Logc is always full of great ideas! You can sign up yourself and your friends here . (My comments in red)
Jason was having a bad day on the soccer field, yelling out criticisms to his teammates. "Settle down, Jason," warned his coach. "Give the others a break. It's not all about you. Share the ball or I'm going to have to pull you from the game."
Hearing this, Jason ran screaming at two of the other players, pushed one down and kicked the ball over the fence. Needless to say, he was pulled from the game. (Temper tantrums by our own children in public are difficult to watch.)
The trip home was no fun for his mom as she listened to him complaining about how stupid the other kids were and how unfair the coach was treating him. All she could think about was that her son had forgotten their talks that it is more important to be a good person and a good sport than it is to be a soccer star. (She's "delaying the consequence" and thinking about a strategic plan she can use to help her child learn a lesson.)
The next day, Mom made phone calls to the coach and to several of the other team mothers. "I need your help to teach Jason the importance of becoming a good person rather than just a good soccer player. Would you be willing to charge Jason if he calls for rides to games? You would? Oh, thank you so much." (Here she's plugging the holes in her strategic plan.)
Mom then had a discussion with Jason. "I take you to your soccer games because it's fun for me. Your last game wasn't fun. I was embarrassed by your behavior. I will drive you to your game again some day after the coach tells me that you have become a good sport."
"How am I supposed to get to the games if you're not driving me?"
"Well, sweetie, that's something I was wondering about as well." (Lead with empathy. Let the consequences do the teaching. No lectures or threats.)
"I'll just get a ride with some of the other guys."
After making several calls, Jason yelled, "This is a rip off! All the other moms want to charge me to ride with them. They don't even care if the team loses! This stinks!"
Mom held the line. (Very hard to do but an awesome investment in your child!) After several weeks and Jason having spent $20.00 on rides, the coach called with a good report and lavish thanks to this courageous mother.
The remaining games were a lot more fun for both Jason and his mother.
To learn more tips for raising respectful, responsible kids, watch our DVD Real World Parenting Solutions.