" Children who associate mistakes with anger quickly learn to avoid
doing anything remotely challenging."
From: Parenting Kid to Become the People Employers Really
Want and America Desperately Needs.
Charles Fay, Love and Logic Press, 2009
Anger, lectures and threats are often the "go to" parenting tools we use when our kids misbehave because they are the ones we saw modelled by our parents or because we don't have any other tools in the tool box to go to... so we use what we have.
To quote Dr. Phil, "How's that working for you." Maybe a better question is, How's that working for your kids? How does it feel in terms of the quality of relationships in your home?
Never Fear. It is NEVER to late to add some new tools to the tool box. What can you go to instead?
1st: Replace anger with sincere empathy by remembering just one empathetic statement:"This is so sad" or "Oh my." Why? This literally moves your thinking and theirs from the brain stem (fight or flight) to the frontal lobe (logical thought). Now that everyone is"thinking" instead of "reacting"...
2nd: Go to other tools: delayed consequences; enforceable statements; the Uh OH Song; or a strategic training session; Don't worry I'll be talking about these things in upcoming posts! Don't forget to comment or send me questions. I get an automatic e mail and I will respond via the blog. If you want to connect personally contact me at JHasstedt@zionbelleville.org. I am not an expert but I am a fellow parent and I do have connections...to Love and Logic :)