Friday, December 26, 2008

Have a New Kid by Friday #3

"Disarming the Dude or Dudetter with the Tude"

Dr. Kevin Leman says "Attitude can speak loudly - even if your child says nothing." But where does attitude come from?

Chances are you will butt heads the most with the child who is most like you but here's the scariest thing Dr. Leman says, "Kids who sport attitudes have parents who sport attitudes. Attitudes are caught not taught." Ouch!

You might not even know you have attitude but as always the key to changing your child's attitude is changing your own. (Rats! - No magic pill!) What does that look like?
He describes a conflict between parent and child over chores. When the child refuses to do them or says something like, "I don't feel like it" the job of the parent is to be calm, cool, and in charge. You have some choices. You can pay a sibling to do the job and reduce the non contributor's allowance (no advance warning). You could wait until the child needs something or wants to go somewhere and simply reply, "I am not going." If they ask why, reply calmly and without emotion, "I don't feel like it." Don't ruin the lesson by adding a lecture. Just let the child's natural intelligence work it out.
Dr. Leman goes on in this chapter to give 3 strategies for success and some excellent coaching on real life situations. He'll suggest "letting reality be the teacher" which is exactly like Love and Logic's belief in natural consequences. This is just an awesome and practical book!
Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

1 comment:

  1. I like Dr. Leman's advice in all it's many forms too. I support his efforts to make parenting easier by devoting a blog
    to his video series. Watch a short clip from Making Children Mind without Losing Yours

    I think his latest book release How to Have a New Kid by Friday is good too.


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