This blog series is sharing excerpts from Love and Logi Magic When Kids Leave You Speechless, a book by Jim and Charles fay, PH.D. Available form www.loveamdlogic.com.
The third basic principle of Love and Logic: Leave kids with a healthy sense of control.
This is often done by giving as many choices in small things as you possibly can. "Do you want your hair in a pony tail or down?" "Do you want to take 1 toy or 2 to Grandmas?" "Do you want a long story or a short story tonight?" "Should we pick up these toys fast or slow?" "Do you want to climb in the car seat yourself or do you want me to lift you?"
Giving choices has some guidelines to go with the concept. For example, never give a choice tou your child that you can't live with. Giving away the small choices makes it easier for you take control when you need to for the bigger ones.
(This idea of giving lots of choice as a way to gove others healthy control works magic with mother-in laws and young adult children too!)